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Here are the latest articles on Defenestrate

Work 05.04.01

For a long time Justin, and Brian have been known for hating work. Such sayings as "STW", gay work, damn work, etc... have been coined from them. Lately these two members of Defenestrate have been experiencing too much work. They have decided to release statements on behalf of their opinions. "F*ck Dairy Queen," was said by Brian when he was looking for a job and the local DQ told him that they wouldn't hire under 16, even though he is only a few weeks away from being of the age. To make it worse, it was found that they actually are employing sever people under 16. Brian was late heard saying that Dairy Queen has some object up its ass.
Justin, who has a job at Foodland, has also been experiencing troubles. At his job he actually has to straighten the toilet paper for hours at a time. What the hell? Also we have learned this valuable lesson from Justin,"Carts suck ass." This may not be the most interesting news, but it is important to realize that work sucks(also we haven't updated for a while and needed an article.)

Personal Appearances 04.04.01

Defenestrate have been know to be really good to their fans. They are said to act like they aren't even a famous punk band(don't know how they do it.) On top of all of this they are reported to make several appearances, for free, in the Monroville, PA area. Justin seems to be the most giving of his time though. He has been spotted at his local Foodland, actually helping people. His help includes help moving the carts, carrying crates, and even adjusting the toilet paper. Never has a band done so much for their fans.

The Other Side of Greg 2-22-01

Written by Brad Yuglooc, Defenestrate News
It was brought to my attention by the many Defenestrate fans are interested in Gregs sexual preferences, for obvious reasons. When you see a guy like him, and you see him on a horse at the mall, and you see him masturbating on the horse you tend to wonder if this guy is a little on the fruity side. Well, everyones curiosity increased even more after the interview with Justin was posted. He mentioned something about Greg engaging in gay sex. Well, I decided to do a little but of research and dig a little deeper into the story.

Lets go back in time to last year. Every day it was a race to get to the bus between Greg, Justin, and Bubba. The first 2 people to the bus would sit together and the other would be left to sit with a dirty kid. Okay now lets move forward to this year. At the beginning of the school year this race continued as usual, until something happened. Greg stopped riding the bus home. Justin and Bubba were confused. Where was Greg? Well it turns out that Greg was getting a ride home from school. Who would do such a thing? Well, Bubba and Justin quickly found out that Greg was getting a ride home from a fellow soccer player. The immediate assumption was that Greg is a sell-out and that in a week he would be back on the bus. One week goes by, and then another, and still no Greg on the bus. What the hell was going on? Well Justin and Bubba were determined to get to the bottom of it. Why would anyone ride him home in the first place, let alone let him ride home time after time? Bubba and Justin were stumped. They werent stumped for long. After thinking, they finally realized what was going on, or at least the only possible solution.
From the time that anyone ever knew Greg, there were rumors that he was gay. They never was any actual proof that he was heterosexual, but there also wasnt any proof of him being gay, so it was just left at people calling Greg gay. The one thing disproving the Greg is gay theory was the fact that his head turns, or at least turned red when he was around girls. He then tried to put all of the rumors to rest when he went to the East Allegheny Christmas dance, and he went with a girl! Justin, along with everyone else, was immediately suspicious. Everyone said that if, indeed, Greg was straight, his head would explode at the dance. It didnt. As far as everyone knows, he didnt even turn a shade of pink, let alone red. That brings us back to what this whole article is about. What is Greg doing with the soccer player that rides him home from school every day? Well, the only possible solution, is indeed, Justins original conclusion. Greg is having gay sex on the way home from school. So I hope that answers all of your questions about Gregs sexuality, because it sure answered mine. I guess that would also explain the severe bleeding that Greg is experiencing in his rectum, or at least is believed to be having. So if youre ever in need for a gay sex partner, I know the man for you. -BY

Fake Copyright 04/04/01